Category Archives: Previous Writings

What Came First? The Hummingbird or the Egg?

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Why Hummingbird? Why Humming?

Quantum Purpose Unlimited

… The Wisdom of Uncertainty …

The search for security and certainty
is actually an attachment to the known.
And what is the known? The known is our past.
The known is nothing other than
the prison of past conditioning.

Deepak Chopra

Shaman death is the symbolic death of the initiate
to the old ways of life and personal identity.

Rebirth: American Indian Bat Medicine

It just happened, that’s all. It was gradual. The message came to me again and again this year that I have been in “deep shift,” and that I was dying to my old life. Before making any conscious decision to do so, I began slowly pulling up roots by letting go of much of what I had devoted all of my time and energy to in my work and in my personal life, and began to pull away from people in my city. I came to realize I was clearing my life of everything and everyone (and soon to be every place) that was unnecessarily draining my energy, and began funneling all of my energy into one focused purpose — for the first time in my life.

It was a slow process as I have had to ultimately look at all of my relationships with the people and with the things upon which I have built my identity … at how my self-esteem has been based on the acceptance and support of friends and on my possessions and accomplishments. What I began to see clearly is that people and things were the very reason I had low self-esteem.

I have been harshly forced into facing that the people I loved were not really getting me, accepting and supporting me, and no amount of waiting and hoping and proving myself would ever get them to see who I really am and treat me differently — or be capable of being different themselves. I had to accept them, let them go, and love them from another place.

I have been harshly forced into facing that the things I own and the things I did and thing I was most proud of about myself, which all determined my identity — were just symbols of success I was clinging to that were actually the very things keeping me from true fulfillment of my ultimate potential.

The good is the enemy of the best.

I have made drastic decisions in answer to these realizations. I have not been cheerful and swift in making these changes. I allowed myself to be pounded again and again by circumstances until my stubborn and tenacious little self got the message. LET GO!

The most powerful and meaningful circumstance in a year of unbelievable challenge was the discovery that, yes, I … Cleansing Queen Of The World … had the threat of cervical cancer hanging over my head … again. And how did this happen when I live (mostly) right and fast/cleanse 30-40 days a year? I figured it out quick:

Stress!

I was chagrinned that I had allowed an unacceptable level of stress to be such a part of my life for so long that I found myself backed into a corner by something I had arrogantly stated many times I would never have to face. What a come-uppence. And I did not take it well. My efforts at healing myself were half-hearted and half-assed. And then I allowed yet another … oh, several actually, REALLY STRESSFUL things to happen, resulting in what work I did do to heal myself being undone.

Now, I say I allowed these things to happen; certain things occurred because of the actions of other people beyond my control. My self-esteem was (and has always been) such that I was not able to recognize the unacceptable behavior of key people in my life for too long — until I became sick and then saw it for what it was and did something about it. If I had become conscious of the truth sooner and made hard choices sooner, I could have saved myself much. But really, looking back, I don’t think I could have done things any other way, as my nature is to love, to always see the good in people, and to give freely, and I had not yet made the connection between such matters and my self-esteem. Ego was muddying the waters. But these events forced the issue!

To provide little background for better understanding: I had been teaching people how to live a lifestyle of being clean in a toxic world: hosting a very intensive cleansing/detox retreat for the last seven years — a program I designed, and I drew my clientele from all over the country. It was essentially for healthy, spiritually-oriented people who wanted to be even more healthy and clear. I was well into the process of moving my business to Costa Rica when my life took an unexpected turn with the unraveling of several things I thought I had under control: my health, relationships (employee/friendship … I had been single and not dating for some time by then) and my career.

The process that had begun organically, of eliminating from my life the pursuits and influences that were draining me, was spectacularly propelled into a conscious, deliberate, and drastic clearing of the decks. Nothing about the way I had been living and approaching things was right for me anymore. Suddenly what I had been doing for a living for seven years was no longer my job, and I could not do it anymore. This of course meant no income too, but that was a choice I had to make to be in my integrity of purpose.

The surprising turn came about because in order to provide the main alternative treatment of the program at the location I had chosen in Costa Rica, I invented a device that is considered by a certain government agency that regulates these sorts of things to be a medical device. Due to many factors, all of which directly related to or derived from my health, I made the hard choice to close my retreat business so that I would be able to really concentrate on healing myself and devote myself without distraction to the development of the invention. The invention adventure involved numerous generations of prototypes, writing a patent specification, researching that government agency’s approval process and writing the submission, setting up manufacturing and assembly procedures, making marketing plans, researching export regulations, and establishing my business structure, etc. I didn’t realize it when I began, but I had waltzed right down into the rabbit hole and it turned out to be a much more daunting undertaking than I ever could have imagined. I was completely naïve when I started. I am grateful I did not know what I would go through when I started, because I would have known for sure I could not do it. But I did it, and I am doing it.

My choice to close my business was also made clear by the fact that as much as I had tried to hire “experts” again and again to help me with the invention process, no one ever came through (part of the major stress of the year) and I finally had to stop doing anything else and concentrate full-time on the invention. I just couldn’t do it all, and this was the most important thing. So I just became every kind of expert I had to be to get the invention work done. Finding all of this capacity in me further distanced me from my old life and old way of doing things and old way of thinking. I amazed myself, and from the pain of being let down over and over, emerged a newfound understanding that I could do anything. I lost the last of my fear that had held my self-esteem hostage to waiting to be rescued.

All year, despite the stress and the crazed hard work, I was staying centered and clear, and felt the most powerful I had ever been. But then the balance I couldn’t seem to keep, and that had become my present, moment to moment struggle … was to be even close to grounded. I could not find a tether anymore. Nothing I used to do to reign me back in was working. No amount of coffee, or heavy food could stop me from buzzing. My vibration is, was, and had been all year, disconcertingly high. It has been demanding. There have been times I have thought “this is all I can stand.”

While I was in South Florida arranging for the manufacturing of my invention, I received a phone call from my good friend, who is also my general practitioner MD. She called to tell me that the result from my latest pap smear was back up to severe, and that she was scared. She said I as much as had cancer, and that I need to stop fooling around. She had gone along with my insistence to heal myself again naturally, as she had seen me do it eight years before. But what I was doing this time was obviously not working … mainly because I had a poor attitude and I wasn’t really doing consistently what I knew to do. Her fear startled me, so I relented and agreed to go in for treatment when I got home.

My first week home, before I could get an appointment with an OBGYN, I had a “come-apart.” That’s Southern for “de-compensating.” That’s medical for going into a spin. Anyway, I experienced a lot of emotional and spiritual turmoil while living with the idea that I had cancer. I went through the process in my mind about how I felt about my life, and what I thought about death. It was heavy stuff, and I faced it head-on. And then on “Cosmic Epiphany Day” … the day the world moved out of Saturn-in-Cancer and into Saturn-in-Leo (thank you Jesus) I had an epiphany!

I realized I had done … or was doing, and was almost done … what I came here to do. I knew the immense importance of my invention and what an impact it was going to have on many individual lives, and what the energetic ramifications were going to be to the entire earth because of it. And I knew the thing I had to do was to finish it and get it to the point where it was out there and had a life of its own and did not need my energy anymore. Then I would be done.

It was a revelation. I didn’t know before that that could happen. I’d never heard of such a thing. I always thought life was about ”the journey” and that you never really arrived. That may be so for most, but for me the knowing came that I was reaching a point of arrival and decision. Somehow I had remembered what I contracted to do when I agreed to this incarnation, and was picked and picked on until I grudgingly did it while walking through fire. And then, there it was … the destination was in sight, and I had to start making decisions about what next.

“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.”

II Timothy 4:6-7

I was already feeling myself slipping away. It was (is) an amazing feeling! It is frightening and exciting and paralyzing at the same time. It feels like hundreds of thousands of volts are rushing through my body and that all I can do is be still and dematerialize. It calls up a wonderful poignancy that can only be described as Joy … but joy according to C. S Lewis’ definition in his book “Surprised by Joy: “Sehnsucht.” It is no surprise I did my senior paper on this concept in College.

Lewis describes Joy — Sehnsucht — or “The Great Desire” as a momentary grasping of the Divine … such a profound and unforgettable feeling that could be even a particular kind of grief, but if it were within your power to feel, you would not trade it for all of the pleasures of the world.

It has brought me to tears many times. It has made me long to melt into nothingness. It leaves no room for ego and self, but as you drift away you look back on yourself with an amazing detached compassion, like a mother’s love for her sweet sincere little child who has tried so hard and has suffered such painful bewilderment. For her the tears come. There is a feeling of sadness and inevitability. And a tingling anticipation without a shred of uncertainty as you await the opening.

This feeling, this knowing, this thing happening to me … I don’t shy away from anymore. I welcome it and do what I know contributes to the raising of my vibration like fasting and cleansing and staying in a state of Karma Yoga and constant prayer most of the hours of my day. I might not understand what is happening to me, but I relinquish myself to it … to the flow … to surfing the Mystery, because it is why I am here and that matters more than being here.

I have been working my whole life, and most especially these last years, since the moment I made the decision and the promise to reach the full potential of my Soul in this incarnation — to be my most authentic self in service to God, the Universe and the purpose for which I came. And in doing so, in living life at the speed of Life Force Energy, the equal and opposite reactions had pummeled me, and I was beat up. I reached such a low … or high point one day that I realized: I had absolutely nothing better to do than to save the world.

If I do nothing but keep myself clean and conduct energy into this world, then I am doing my purpose to save the world. I began to realize it is the purpose of many conscious souls on this planet to save the world.

So I let go and decided to revel in my delusions of grandeur, and never fold up my wings again. I was relieved to know that I was almost done, and that if I felt I had to go, then I could go. But I could also decide to stay. I realized there was so much I could do, that I am prepared to do, that I am poised and ready to do … that aren’t my dreams, but the dreams of so many other people who are not as ready and do not possess the resources I do and where-with-all to live their dreams. If I stayed, then I would be, as I had already written nine months before in my Costa Rica Business Vision: “The benefactor of dreams.”

I also realized that if I were already dead (albeit symbolically), then no one could ever hurt me again. I would be invincible.

When I went to see the doctor, he knew I had waited nine months to seek treatment from my first irregular pap, and he said to me almost in anger, “You know this is serious don’t you?!”

I said, “Yes sir.” And from that moment on, I no longer took it seriously.

For some time I had been skirting burn-out in my work running such an intense one-on-one cleansing retreat. This was largely due to the fact that on my website, which was one of the things I had attached my identity to, had a large section telling my story and many pictures of me were displayed throughout. People connected with me from my website, and when they came, they came to get my undivided attention. This was a choice I made from the start for pragmatic reasons. My business was located in a city not only not known for it’s health and spiritual consciousness, but known instead for the exact opposite. In order to attract clients, there had to be something unique to draw them in. That was me. I received a lot of comments and feedback that the personal nature of my message touched and inspired people. I wanted to continue to share my observations of life from a personal perspective, but I didn’t want it to be about me anymore. How would I do that? I didn’t know.

I felt it necessary on September 8th, 2005 to make a call to the manufacturer of one of the devices I had been using in my practice for many years to find out about the political and governmental climate of the alternative health industry in the country from his point of view and involvement in a recent momentous industry-changing lawsuit. He gave me the behind the scenes overview of the situation, which illuminated and clarified questions that had arisen from the research I had done related to my invention. I hung up the phone realizing that in devoting my life to doing good and helping people empower themselves to reach perfect health and spiritual enlightenment, that I was considered by our government to be an outlaw and was in true peril!

To make matters worse, one of the people named in that horrendous lawsuit had my name. I decided then that I must keep my name out of having any involvement with the marketing of the invention and decided I must remove my website from the internet so that in the approval process of my invention, there could be no direct access to the views on the benefits of the modality I had so brazenly held for so many years. I decided then that I needed a bare-bones marketing website to sell the device to people who were looking for it from a foundation of their own convictions, and a separate website not associated with the invention to give the information and guidance that had been available on my very large website … and also to expand it to be much more, as it would no longer be about my retreat business.

I had been teaching for many years concepts that had come to me in a language I had developed from Quantum Physics that explained truth in a fresh vocabulary that people found easy and accessible. I had seen my words speak to my clients struggles in a way that finally got through when the same concepts in the over-used Christian vernacular hadn’t made sense to them even after a life-time of hearing the words. I live in Quantum (magic and miracles and mystery) and I speak in Quantum.

What I had to awakened to and had begun to nourish through all of this was a cosmic perspective, a global vision for the raising of the vibration of the world, a manifesting propensity, a knack for prosperity, a new way to generate a lot of income, total abandonment to my purpose, unswerving drive, and a lot of audacity.

I realized my purpose was a Universal Purpose for which many people on the Earth are here. I began to call it Quantum Purpose and made the intention to become a magnet to draw together, and an agent of activation — for the others who are here for this Purpose, and with whom I have Sacred Contracts to facilitate their (meanwhile my own) evolution. It was as Quantum Purpose insinuated itself into my plans and then proceeded to dominate, that I began to consider how to have a website that supported the invention without giving away that it was associated with the invention.

I decided since it was my purpose to raise the vibration of the world, it didn’t matter if people bought my invention in particular — just as long as they used whatever resources were available in whatever price range they could afford. I would link to all devices and services that could help people reach their goals.

Then I began to ponder how I could get across the great experiences and information in my story, which so many people had related to me had moved and inspired them, without using my name. The solution: to use a nom de plum. At first I thought of using something cute and edgy like Susie Quark. But then a knowing came to me: just something symbolic. Hummingbird. It came as quietly as that. And since that moment I have gained an understanding how symbolic and perfect it is.

First thing I turned to is what Hummingbird represents in American Indian Animal Medicine:

Hummingbird knows instinctively where beauty abides and, near or far, she journeys to that place. She moves comfortably within a beautiful environment and help others taste the succulent nectar of life. Hummingbird disdains ugliness or harshness, and quickly flies away from discord or disharmony. Hummingbird is a fragile medicine, its target is Beauty and Hummingbird’s mission is to spread joy or to be destroyed. Hummingbird quickly dies if caged, caught, or imprisoned.

http://www.birdclan.org/hummingbird.html

While I am as much the Eagle, I find it more appealing and fitting to be a Hummingbird. Of all of the American Indian Animal Medicine meanings, the Hummingbird has always given me the most hope. If I get to choose, Hummingbird or Eagle, I choose the little thing. I went online looking for pictures of Hummingbirds and I found one that stunned me when I first saw it, and still does every time I see it. She is me. I realized that immediately. I thought then, wouldn’t it be perfect if the next time I worked with the medicine cards, if I got the Hummingbird card? That would let me know that this was really guidance I was receiving. And the next time I was guided to choose a card, I did get the Hummingbird card! But in contrary — upside-down. I was dashed and confused. I didn’t understand. The message was all about fragility and sadness. I thought I was ready finally for joy. That was the deal — my terms for staying! I couldn’t figure it out so I decided to leave it until morning. The next morning I read over it again, determined to do nothing else until I understood. My whole life had been so framed in disappointment and sadness. Yet I have been eternally hopeful and have unceasingly believed I was made to love and to experience joy. Then I got it. Immediately I wrote:

“Sorrow is better than laughter, for by the sadness of the countenance, the heart is made better.”

Ecclesiastes 7:3

We come, we forget, and then we try to remember. But in our haze of forgetfulness, we are stuck in duality. Until we can remember that everything is one and accept without judgement, we will only see good and bad, light and dark, up and down, win and lose.

We will be stuck in the illusion that if we can just get the good, the light, the up, and the win … all will be well. We try and try and try, and we get the good and the light and the up and the win, only to be dashed and disillusioned to realize that it has brought with it the looming anxiety that the bad, the dark, the down and the lose will show right back up and take it all away again. And so it usually does.

Then we realize … too late … that back when all we had was the bad, the dark, the down and the lose — the other side was there all along as opportunity calling us to transform.

So round and round we go, struggling with the two-edged sword of everything we think we want.

Until one day we realize that the two sides of everything are the same, and we accept the bad with the good, and the dark with the light, and the down with the up, and the lose with the win … because we get it finally that you can’t have one without the other.

And then we look at people who are content with unexamined lives and realize we wouldn’t change places.

We are grateful, after all, for the struggle … as it is the other side of peace.

We accept.

“Sorrow is Joy in another Reflection.”

Poof! The duality vanishes. We once again remember, everything is one.

I then started seeing Hummingbirds. I had been putting watermelon rinds outside by my kitchen door as I found it attracted butterflies. One day I saw an Emerald Green Hummingbird hovering by the watermelon through the screened door. A couple of days later, after a walk at the Botanical Garden’s, I saw an Emerald Green Hummingbird hovering by my car in the parking lot.

Then a couple of days after that is when the real miracle happened. Here is an email to a friend on September 20th:

I just had one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life!

I went to Hollywood Video … a place I never go, because I wanted to rent The Merchant Of Venice, and they were the only place that carried it. When I got into my car to leave, I saw a hummingbird fly up to the window of the building and hit it a few times, and then fall to rest on the window sill stunned. This was a very odd place for a hummingbird to be, in the middle of a commercial area with no beautiful garden nearby. I got out of the car, gently picked up the little thing, and got back into the cool car. I opened my hand to see if she was alright. She just lay there, still, but her eyes were alert.

I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there looking at her and praying she wouldn’t die. I decided to drive home, try to feed her some watermelon juice and set her free in a more wooded environment.

I drove home carefully, and she just sat in my open hand the whole way. When I pulled into the driveway, and stopped, she took flight tentatively and settled on the dashboard. It was then I saw an amber light shine through her chest feathers from where her heart must be. It really was a light! It glowed.

She flew around a few more times, but clearly was exhausted.

I picked her up again and took her into the house and up to my bedroom where the French doors were wide open with no screens, and in retrospect … in the exact location where a ley line pops up into my house! I let her loose, and ran downstairs for the watermelon. I brought it up, put some juice in a clear bowl, tipped it and held it to her beak. I saw her little tongue that was no bigger than a hair come out from the end of her beak to lap up some juice. She then took flight, right out of the open doors, high above the trees and away.

I’ve put the watermelon rind out on the deck full of juice in case she returns.

I took a few pictures, but they are too close for her to be in focus. She is a vivid emerald green, with a bright amber light in her chest!

I prayed that day with a prayer so solid, there was not one wavering molecule in my mind or heart. I said “Please God. Please Universe. Give me another chance to photograph me holding a hummingbird.”

I now have hundreds of pictures and video

The preparing my submission to that government agency in order to market in the US, was one of the most daunting elements of this whole amazing experience. It was the “slaying the dragon” and I could not make a false step. I removed my retreat website from the internet so they would not be able to reference it for my view on the benefits of the associated therapy. I had my lawyer submit it on his letterhead in my company name, keeping my personal name out of it — to avoid confusion because of the other person with the same name involved in the Texas lawsuit. Dealing with that government agency is a very tricky business. I was told by lawyers and consultants who had worked there that they would never approve my device. But after almost two years of research, and writing, and making TWO submissions, they returned the decision that they did not regulate my device. Therefore, it is legal to market in the US as long as I continue to observe their limits and regulations, especially in terms of the claims I make for my device.

My intent in presenting my writings under another name is just to have a way to offer the important support information that I am making available on this website without breaking the law, losing all of my inventory, being shut down, thrown in jail and fined a million dollars. (I am not exaggerating.) I do not have a firm grasp on how to maintain a nom de plum and online identity separate from my in-person identity.

Hummingbird fits. I am always still it seems, yet moving at the speed of Life Force Energy! I am always humming, vibrating, buzzing … feeling the energy go through me. Sometimes it seems too much. I am surrounded by beauty, and yet even my gilded cage has caused me sorrow. I seek beauty in the world, and I always find it. My nature is to love, and my essence is joy.

I have changed. I have evolved. I have left karma behind and now it’s dharma time! I now have only my Purpose in my heart and mind, and the determination to live my Ultimate Potentiality in unfettered Joy.

It doesn’t matter who I am. We are all ONE.

“One’s own name and form and self-concept are more like a constellation being named, with lines drawn in between the points of light to shape into a form — a concept superimposed upon reality, somewhat different than reality itself.”

Lama Surya Das

That’s Why Hummingbird

Epilogue

The story gets more interesting. The Texas Jennifer with the conventional spelling of two “n”s law suite was easily found when Googling her (my) name (spelled wrong). I started getting calls from people who thought it was me, and probably didn’t get hundreds of calls from people who thought it was me. Suddenly that name was a career killer. When a copy of her law suite came back to me along with my international patent search, I knew I had to legally change my last name.

The day I was born my great grandfather telegramed my mother to name me Jenifer with one “n” so that I would have 7 letters in both my names (I have no middle name) because “Seven is the Heavenly number.” I needed my new last name to have seven letters in it, but it was such a big decision, I didn’t know what to do. And then the moment came when it occurred to me to count the letters in Hummingbird.

That’s Why Humming

Next, see the Gallery of Hummingbird Pictures beginning with the first blurred pictures that I took the day I rescued the first hummingbird with the glowing amber heart.

Up Front With The Macheté

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You will find my “personal story” recounted on this web site in extensive detail. I have much written about my work and my purpose and my life that intimately reveals the essence of who I am — which is how I have always taught — by not bothering to teach, but by just being who I am and being honest about it. If anyone is drawn to read my web site, it means they were vibrationally attracted (Physics Law of Attraction) and that they have now or will soon have the exact same lessons to learn, or vast dreams to build.

I have chosen to open up my life in writing for a number of reasons. The main reason is that I am strongly compelled to do so for my own personal growth, to record my observations and my process in a conscious, self-disclosed, and symbolically interpreted way. Mine is a life examined. However, in offering my account of the always interesting and often magical events and interpretations of my journey, my intention is also that you will be inspired as you will see yourself in my experiences — and in doing so, give the information the opportunity to resonate and catalyze transformation in your life. I often say: I do not have all of the answers. I am just the “Helen Keller” of the Universe … feeling my way along. If you have found this site and choose to benefit from what I have to share, please know it’s not because I have it all figured out. I am just up front with the macheté.

We Have to Save the World Every Day

I want to be clear about how I see my purpose and the way I am changing the world. My most significant contribution is energetic. If I do nothing but keep myself a clear conduit to conduct energy into this world, then I have done what I came here to do. People always say we cannot save the world. I say we save the world every day. Every day Earth School stays open is a day saved. Jesus said greater things shall we do. I believe that and I take it seriously. Because the world today is more populated and convoluted than it was in his day, there are more obstacles and suffering and corruption now simply in terms of numbers, than then. But there are also more resources in terms of communication, technology, and consciousness now than then. We can vibrate higher now too. We need to. We have to save the world every day.

There are only a small percentage of us who know these things. The rest of the people of the Earth are in the dark, and are perpetuating the darkness. And unfortunately, even the ones who are aware, are not necessarily stepping up to their purpose. And although many begin to, most don’t follow through. It is my job to help the rare ones who are empowered to carry out their visions.

“The Problem of Increasing Human Energy”

I discovered this small book: “The Problem of Increasing Human Energy” written in 1900 by Nikola Tesla only after I had been led to understand this was in fact my soul’s purpose on Earth … to aide in the increasing of human energy. The problem part is free will. Not everyone co-operates. But, we have to work around it as we are all here to play our own unique parts in our collective evolution, and free will is the ball in the game.

A big part of my mission is to facilitate people into the most powerful expression and accelerated fulfillment of their soul’s purpose. I am here not only to conduct energy into the world myself, but to make it possible through a variety of means to help hundreds, thousands … millions??? of other people do the same. I have been given many ways to accomplish this, and an immense plan/dream/vision.

So how am I going to do this? With a lot of little things.

First, I take wonderful care of myself, enjoy my life, and stay connected:

Then I do not limit the wondrous unfolding of my visions and dreams by a sense of lack and disbelief. Having already spent most of my life already doing that, I decided to give delusions of grandeur equal time.

Then, I love everyone, I seek joy, I choose peace, and I do what I want to do every day. And what I want to do every day is build this vast and beautiful vision.

I do little tasks. I take it step by step. I put one foot in front of the other. I show up every day.

Forms of Energy

I am all about energy. I conduct energy in all of its (our perceptions of) forms. You can call it Life Force, you can call it Love, Kundalini, Chi … and Money too is just another form of energy. If you understand how energy flows, you will have a new understanding of the economics of vast purposes.

If you believe you have only so much love to give, you are not connected to the source. Do you say to your husband or daughter or girl-friend: “I’ll love you next week, or in a month or so when I have more love”?

If you believe you will have only so much money, then that’s all you’ll have. A favorite quote of mine is from the first airy fairy book for powerful rich white men, “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill: “If you ask life for a dime, a dime is all it’ll give you.”

As for me, I choose to have access to the unlimited love and abundance of the Universe, and do so because I conduct energy though me unimpeded and without fear. As God’s love goes through me, I get to feel it on the way through and it is wonderful to feel such love for the people who come to my life. As money flows through me, I get to live well as it goes through, and I am blessed to be able to support the prosperity of many others in this world.

With the money-energy that flows through me with all of the divine ideas I have received and am carrying out, I will be the benefactor of the vast visions and dreams of the rare ones who will join me in taking personal responsibility for the healing of the Earth.

Are You Destined to Join Me?

I wish to ally with conscious people who are already effective and powerful in their lives — who have the vision of creating an amazing future and are determined to reach their potential and be a part of helping others reach theirs. I am intentionally manifesting the combining of the purposes of the very rare, very few people on this Earth today who have the courage to be completely authentic and hurl themselves into their ultimate potentiality — and have lots of fun and laughter along the way.

My companions on this journey are not ordinary. They are the Arthurs who discover the sword and have the courage and audacity, and pure naivete … to pull it from the stone and become King.

Or Queen, of course.

Are you one of the rare ones?

It’s Time To Understand HOW THINGS ARE

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The thing most people don’t understand about “Christ Consciousness” is that it was the view that Jesus had that many other people have had before and since. It’s the view we will all see from the vantage point we’re all supposed to reach eventually as we careen through lifetimes. I haven’t been looking through a restricted religious knot-hole in the fence for a long time. The wider view that I speak of includes the experience of energy rushing through our bodies, inner visions, truth that comes all in one piece — which all leads to KNOWING. Then the knowing compels us beyond being encumbered by karma and into dharma. To put it simply, in learning about and making peace with HOW THINGS ARE. You find yourself in the flow, doing what you came here at such a radical turning-point on this planet to do.

DEFINE KARMA and DHARMA

My definitions definition of karma and dharma are a mingling of the standard Indian religions (mainly Hinduism and Buddhism) definitions and my own reception, experience and understanding of truth.

I blend.

KARMA by any other name:  (referring specifically to “negative” karma, although outside of a dualistic perception, karma is neutral)

Hinduism and Buddhism — Karma

Christianity — “you reap what you sow”

Classic Physics — cause and affect

Bubba — “what goes around comes around”

Practical terms — accumulated baggage from previous lives that constantly affect you; residual baggage from childhood of your present incarnation; direct or indirect repercussions from what happened last week; the consequences of what you are doing today and other people’s karmic issues they have with you that you allow them to have with you. We are always involved in a relationship with karma, but we can cleanse the buildup of karmic debt (see: Grace) and then choose to participate exclusively in creating only good karma. This is the ideal.

Me — garbage: a collection of set-backs resulting from unwise choices

What it feels like — suffering

DHARMA by any other name:

Hinduism and Buddhism — Dharma: a more subtle concept with a richness of meaning. It can be put simply for contrast, but then so much is missed. The result is doing your purpose. The reason for the result is acquiescence to the flow. The flow is the order of nature (Natural, Divine and Universal), which is simply how things are. Our relationship to how things are is our dharma. In a dualistic mindset, that means choosing right over wrong, making moment to moment choices to raise your vibration rather than to lower it.

Christianity — “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all the rest shall be added unto you.”

    • Anti-dharma: “It is hard for thee to kick against the goads.” = resistance to dharma = sin, bad karma.

Quantum Physics — freeing yourself from the bondage of physical laws and participating in the magic of creating your own reality on the wings of divine thought (the flow). It is all energy and our unified purpose in coming into earthly incarnation is to learn to manage our energy. When you are a clear conduit of pure unlimited life-force energy, the possibilities and power to fund them are unlimited.

Bubba —”The sky’s the limit.”

    • Anti-dharma:  “You can’t fight City Hall” = being resistant to the way things are, you get the shit kicked out of you, (and create more bad karma).

Practical terms — once we’ve completed karma 101 (birth sign lessons), we get on to the good stuff that we came here to do. We can also choose not to participate in other people’s derailing karma too. “God doesn’t have any grandchildren.” — Edwene Gaines

Me — unencumbered abandonment to my soul’s purpose

What it feels like — Peace

Concurrency of Karma and Dharma:

We always have a relationship to karma (as long as we believe in it) and it is possible to be in your dharma and be under the weight of karmic debt at the same time. For those of you who are awake, I think it is inescapable to be doing some expression of your dharma no matter how crippled you may feel. BUT … it’s like sailing a sailboat with a ten gallon bucket tied to the keel. It slows you down. It makes you ineffectual and limits you, only because you do not yet believe you are unlimited.

Cleansing karmic debt and removing yourself from participation in other people’s karmic debt frees you to be fully in your dharma and in harmony with the Universe. Result: Christ Consciousness and the knowledge that you came here … were sent here … to do greater things! And so you do. We can all make the choice to live our Ultimate Potentiality.

Most people who are here to bring light into the world are doing what they are supposed to be doing, but they don’t always do it wisely! That’s how we learn and evolve. I’ve been circling the drain for most of my life, learning and steadily advancing through trial and error. I arrive at this moment humbled and chagrinned and in a position to be the most effective I have ever been. I have finally gotten out of my own way.

Christianity: being tried by fire like gold to be purified.

Native American: Bat Medicine — the death of the shaman.

Buddhism: death of the ego and attachment to desire, which creates suffering.

My mother told me repeatedly as I grew up: “You have nothing to justify your existence.” It formed my view of my life and my worth. I could never shake it. I devoted my life completely to cleansing and healing from all of my childhood and early life wounds, but I could never get rid of that phrase and my foundational belief in its truth. It caused me suffering and drove me mercilessly. Now I am grateful, as it proved to be my most powerful weapon once I discovered its secret. One day, it came to me and I just turned to my ego and said: “You have nothing to justify your existence” …

What is my dharma? It can be explained many ways and it has many layers. But one very important way to say it is: I am here to facilitate the activation of other beings in this Cosmic Neighborhood on the cusp of a NEW AGE into the most powerful expression of their soul’s purpose. In short, my dharma is to help other people find and do their dharma at a critical time on this planet. Beyond that … they have to show up.

Don’t we all need some support from other people who can receive the truth? I know I long for it. As it is now, my support comes mainly from my spiritual practice that keeps me connected with my celestial support — my main form of socializing for the last couple of years. For the last many years, in preparation for what is SOON to come, I have retreated into isolation for long periods, with various forms of fasting and prayer. It is how I have done most of the really profound work and have received the vast vision I am determined to get as far with as I can.

Now I am coming out of my time of preparation. What has not killed me has made me stronger! I am ready. Have you been going through an intense time of preparation too? Don’t mistake all of your recent Lessons of Compassion for misfortune or bad karma. You have been in the Bootcamp of your life!

One of my favorite quotes is from Winston Churchill: “Never, Never, Never Quit.”

I can’t quit, but I do give up. I surrender. “I can of mine own self do nothing.”

None of us can do what we came here to do alone. Even organizations are struggling. It’s time for us to all work together. It is the new way to live, do business and THRIVE.

The time is now.

Bentov And The Bell Curve

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Czech born scientist, inventor, mystic and author Itzhak Bentov drew a bell curve to illustrate the evolution of human consciousness. On the left side of the curve is the “throwbacks” from where the human animal evolved — the more primitive of our species, but still alive today in diminishing numbers. In the middle of the curve, of course, is the the majority of our planet’s inhabitants who possess an average level of consciousness, setting the standard for what is considered to be “normal”. To the far right of the curve are the few and the rare humans present on the earth at this time who have evolved to a level of consciousness that is beyond the understanding and systems of measurement that exist today. This is where all humanity is headed and it is only a matter of time before the median will reach this point and the evolved humans on the far right of the new curve will be in a form and at a level we cannot even fathom now.

He asked the question: “Where can we find these evolved humans in our world today?” The interviewer ventured that they could be found at Universities and other places where one might expect to find the intellectual elite. Bentov said no. “In mental institutions,” he said.

Society today does not know what to do with people who exist simultaneously in unfamiliar realms, which consist of anything the average human cannot see or hear or understand. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Our senses limit us being able to perceive only a fraction of what science has already proved is there. And yet, when someone can perceive these things without a conventional frame-of-reference to interpret the experience, it is bewildering for them, and socially unacceptable in general.

When all of your life, your paradigm has always been radically separate from what we observe as normal, there is often a desperation to be normal and fit in and muffle the gifts of this higher consciousness. This can create a form of suffering that in most cases will result in a way to deal with the world that will be judged as bad and wrong. It is the rare and courageous thing to be in this position and battle your way to a place of self-referral where you know what is normal for you is not normal for anyone else. And then it is ever rarer to have the audacity and naivete to blatantly explore what it means to be the creature that you are without the understanding, approval or support of others.

The conventional psychological community attempts to quantify and standardize lifetimes of bewildering isolation and disenfranchisement with a plethora of diagnosable personality disorders. Are they real, or just insurance codes to justify medicating brilliance? Who’s to say, but best not to judge. Better to try to understand. Author and Teacher Carolyn Myss states that each soul must have an incarnation when “the tribe” fails them, releasing them to be on a solitary journey in that life to be free to evolve at their own rate.

While I don’t consider myself to be at the extreme right of the bell curve, this solitary journey has been my experience. Am I diagnosable? Am I committable? I guess it depends on your paradigm and your agenda and your position of power over my life as to whether I get to stay free. So far I have escaped awarding anyone with that kind of power over me.

It never occurred to me not to be free. And and somehow I have managed, perhaps because I didn’t know any better, to create a life full of miracles and magic seemingly out of thin air without ever hurting anyone.

Do I suffer more than most? Yes, absolutely I do. I go through life with the feeling of someone visiting a nursing home where all of the residents are in a state of blissful dementia. They are all just as happy as can be and don’t know they are oblivious to reality. If I were presented with the option to become like them … one of them … to be happy and free of the constant discomfort of this awareness, I would not choose it. I couldn’t. So not only am I choosing to be as I am, I am embracing it, and I am going to push my limits as far as I can before I get caught!

~ Jeni Humming, April 2007

Addiction To Failure

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Written in September 2002 during a solitary 21 day fast at my beach house in Annapolis.

I am taking a break from, among a number of things … disappointment. I have to figure out and change whatever it is about me that sets me up for this in my life over and over. Until then, the only control I have over whether disappointment beats me down completely is to remove myself from the people and situations that seem to be the cause — and take measures to regain my perspective. Maybe one of the reasons I seem to be so strong is that I do this from time to time. I see it as an absolute necessity to take the time to myself to remember who I am and what I want, and what is reasonable to expect.

I feel really good right now. I feel energetic and positive and an absolute knowing that I have exciting days ahead — a life of building an empire, as it were, of bringing real answers and real prosperity to myself and many other people. I am at a stepping-off point and this is a crucial time for me. And yes, it’s all about me right now. I has to be that way. I’ve spent my whole life making it about someone else, everyone else. I never felt like I was a worthy recipient of the fruits of my own labor. I gave it all away, always doing whatever I was doing for ego reasons … to somehow gain someone’s approval or love, or to prove something. I lived to facilitate the success of others because I never believed I was meant to succeed. Having an ego does not equal having self-esteem. It undermines it. Never-the-less, I have always known I had something in me that was powerful and amazing but it scared me. Failure was where my parents came from and failure was what I was raised on — it has always felt familiar to me. I have always been too afraid to step out to a place where success and personal power was possible.

I feel in some ways I have put this time of my life off. Success, prosperity, and peace have been trying to come to me for years and I have been blocking it with my fear, and by engaging in the usual failure ensuring endeavors. The time of procrastination has come to a resounding end with the acute events of this year. I, fortunately, have backed myself into a corner (in most cases, people are so hardheaded, that’s what it takes) and I’m about to come out swinging. I no longer have a shred of failure left in me. I don’t have that luxury and I won’t indulge my childish ego-driven fears and weaknesses any longer. I believe that there exists only love and fear, and that really, fear is not real. So that leaves only love. Knowing that (really knowing it) makes you brave. “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Therein lies the Peace of God.” The Course in Miracles.

I can honestly say none of this is about ego for me anymore. Obviously my ego has never been ambitious. That has been the trick that has kept me down and settling all these years. No, something else has kicked in. It is an inner knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is my soul’s purpose to build something that will bring to myself and many people peace, health, enlightenment, and a means by which for many people to gain prosperity through doing something beneficial and meaningful to them. It is a rare thing for people to have jobs they love and that really make a difference in their lives and others. With me, they will. I just need to find the right people and this is a main focus for me now. Moving forward hinges on it. So I must do what it takes to draw people who meet my standards and then some, so disappointment will no longer be an issue.

I know from my own experience that trying hard gets you nowhere. Something else has to be there. Perhaps being definite about what you want and then making smart choices with sound judgment … in addition to hard work, would bring desired results. That’s the strategy I am preparing to use. It’s called having a plan and taking action. This is a new concept for me … who’s approach has been “I want everything to evolve organically and draw people to me energetically.” It’s time to try something different.

Nut Job

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I am a nut job.

I am a disenfranchised nut job. I always have been. I’ve always known it in the midst of my madness and I have always chosen it despite the pain it has constantly inflicted in my life.

That alone is proof that I am nuts.

Frankly, I am tired. I have lost my sense-of-humor about it and I have just about lost interest. For a sane person, that’s like losing hope.

In defense of my insanity, it is a quixotic form of clarity that most people dare not have. Most people either eagerly, apathetically, or grudgingly admire the Emperor’s new clothes, ’cause that’s what everyone else is doing. I don’t see the new outfit, therefore I do not admire it. I have the notion that I see what is really there (when I pay attention, and I usually don’t to fat naked men) and I think everyone else is crazy.

I rank myself among other people who have been derided for their vision although I have yet to go so public as to be seriously attacked or threatened. Thus far I have only had the courage to be taken advantage of, ignored and discounted privately.

My hero Nicola Tesla was considered a fruitcake even though he brought the world electricity. He credited his myriad inventions and discoveries to visions coming to him. Google him … he thought of hundreds of things we take for granted in our present world. Edison made a career of discrediting him. His discoveries were stolen from him thanks to the public disclosure of the US Patent system. His quest and success to provide free energy to all the world was thwarted and lost as no meters can be placed upon free energy. Perhaps the most brilliant man in recent history — few today even know who Tesla is.

Something inside of me won’t let me believe that it is unwise to abandon myself to reaching my full potential, chips fall where they may. I can’t make myself believe that hurtling myself with sincerity and enthusiasm at a willingness to discover once and for all what it is that we all seem to be missing wouldn’t be received and rewarded with gratitude. But talent, intellect, courage and generosity has yielded the opposite for the majority of trailblazers of history. And if they weren’t ruined or murdered, they just died anyway, so why do I keep getting up in the morning and feeling hope? Why should it be different for me?

John Lennon’s vision for a peaceful world did not keep him from being murdered. Itzhak Bentov’s genius did not keep the commercial jet he was on in the air. Eva Cassidy’s immense talent did not bring her fame and fortune and prevent her early death from cancer. Believing in Over The Rainbow did not keep Judy Garland from giving up. A humanitarian heart and brilliance off-the-scales did not reward Nicola Tesla or prevent him from dying alone and penniless.

All of my big plans and vision and enthusiasm has not protected my heart from constant personal disappointment and the crash of the US economy. Being a good person, loving with an open heart, doing your best and always paying your bills on time does not seem to be enough. Being willing to devote your life to making a difference only makes matters worse.

Right about now I have lost my all my puff. I wrote about myself over a year ago that I was humbled and chagrinned … that I had to set my high horse free. Even such a poignant admittance as that strikes me now as arrogance. I look around me at the beauty I have worked so hard and so long to create around my life and I see the decline that I don’t have the time or money to fix. I see myself age from the stress of just life, and the unbelievable stress of gambling everything I have to make a difference instead of watching TV and complaining. I can’t ignore the ideas and vision I have and my irrepressible belief that it can be a better world. That is just how I am wired. But I can’t escape the ultimate truth that as hard as I try on the good days when I still do try, I can’t do it alone. I can’t save the world because right now, I can’t even save myself.

Having said all that, perhaps now I am a little closer to sane.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just try to have pleasant days. I will have a pleasant day today being thankful for all of my blessings … alone.

Jenifer Humming — Thanksgiving 2008